Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (February) is a reminder that conversations about relationships matter—and that they can truly save lives. By creating a safe, non-judgmental space, listening with empathy, and staying present even when the conversation feels hard, adults can become trusted allies for teens navigating their first relationships.

Teens may not always speak up right away, but consistent support, patience, and reassurance help them know they are not alone. Healthy relationships are built on respect, trust, and safety—and every teen deserves nothing less. When we talk openly, believe them, and connect them to support, we help teens recognize their worth and empower them to choose relationships that protect their well-being and their future.

Talking to Your Teen: Why It Matters

Starting a conversation with your teen about dating violence can feel uncomfortable—for both of you. It’s a tough topic, and it’s normal to worry about saying the wrong thing. But opening the door to honest conversation is one of the most powerful ways you can help keep your teen safe.

There is no “perfect” time or place to talk. What matters most is showing your teen that you’re available, listening, and willing to have the conversation—no judgment, no lectures.

Tips for Starting the Conversation

• Choose a calm, low-pressure moment. A car ride, a walk, or sitting at a quiet café can feel less intimidating than a face-to-face talk at home.

• Limit distractions. Turning off phones and choosing a quiet space helps your teen feel heard and respected.

• Lead with curiosity, not fear. Ask open-ended questions and let your teen guide the conversation.

• Listen more than you talk. Your goal isn’t to scare them—it’s to build trust.

When teens know they can talk to you about difficult or embarrassing topics, they’re more likely to reach out if something doesn’t feel right. That connection can make all the difference.

Talking With Your Teen: Building Trust & Safety

When you talk with your teen about relationships and dating violence, it helps to keep two goals in mind:

1. Reinforce that you are a safe, trusted resource.
Your teen needs to know they can come to you without fear of judgment, punishment, or dismissal. They should feel confident that you will listen, believe them, and take action to help if needed.

2. Help your teen understand there are real, practical ways to stay safe.
This conversation isn’t just about awareness—it’s about empowering your teen with realistic strategies for navigating relationships and responding to concerning behavior.

How to Start the Conversation

A simple, low-pressure opening can go a long way. Try beginning with:
“How’s it going?”

Ease into the discussion so your teen doesn’t feel interrogated or put on the spot. Acknowledge what they share and validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand their perspective yet.

Depending on their mood and openness, you might gently ask questions like:

• “What are your friends’ dating relationships like?”

• “What do you think the difference is between ‘dating’ and a ‘committed’ relationship?”

• “How long do couples your age usually stay together?”

• “Do people your age expect commitment when they’re dating?”

• “Are there things girls want in relationships that boys don’t—or vice versa?”

These questions can offer valuable insight into how your teen views relationships. You may hear stereotypes, mixed messages, or—hopefully—ideas rooted in mutual respect and equality. You won’t know unless you ask.

Talking About Red Flags

You may also want to explore whether your teen has witnessed unhealthy or abusive behavior. Offering a scenario can make this easier than asking directly.

For example:
“What if a boy sees his girlfriend talking to another guy and grabs her arm, pulling her away—would you consider that violent?”

Listen closely to how your teen responds. Some teens may minimize behavior like this or say it’s “normal” or “no big deal.” These moments are opportunities to gently challenge harmful norms and reinforce that respect, consent, and safety should always be present in relationships.

By keeping the conversation open, calm, and ongoing, you show your teen that you are someone they can turn to—and that healthy relationships are possible and worth expecting.

Tips for Having the Conversation

Talking with your teen about dating violence isn’t easy. It’s a painful and emotional topic—and it may be even harder for your teen to bring it up, especially if they are experiencing abuse. These tips can help you create a safe, supportive space for honest conversation.

Start the conversation.
Don’t wait for your teen to come to you. Ask about their relationships with care and concern, not judgment. When teens feel safe from criticism, they’re more likely to open up.

Meet them where they are.
Teens often struggle with abstract ideas. Talk honestly about dating and dating violence using real-life examples—public figures, movies, TV shows, books, or situations they may recognize. Use both healthy and unhealthy examples to spark discussion.

Talk often, not just once.
Regular conversations help build trust and show your teen that you’re genuinely interested in their life. Ask questions, listen closely, and be honest when answering theirs.

Be available and present.
Let your teen know that their safety and well-being come first. They won’t open up if they feel you’re too busy or distracted. When you talk, give them your full attention—turn off screens, silence phones, and create a calm, private space.

Stay calm and supportive.
If your teen chooses to talk with another trusted adult—a relative, teacher, coach, or faith leader—try not to take it personally. What matters most is that they are reaching out for help.

Name concerns without blaming.
It’s okay to say you’re worried about their safety. Help your teen recognize that controlling or harmful behavior isn’t “normal” and that everyone deserves a healthy, non-violent relationship.

Acknowledge their fear and pain.
Let them know you understand this is scary and difficult. Reinforce that the abuse is not their fault, they are not alone, and help is available.

Listen. Believe. Support.
Your teen may struggle to talk about what’s happening. Be patient. Let them share at their own pace, and remind them you’re there whenever they need support.

Avoid judgment or pressure.
Respect their decisions—even if you don’t agree with them. Many teens leave and return to abusive relationships multiple times. Criticism or guilt can shut down communication when they need you most.

Encourage healthy connections.
Support your teen in spending time with friends, family, and activities outside of the relationship. Strong support networks can make a powerful difference.

Above all, your consistent presence, belief, and compassion can help your teen feel safer—and remind them that healthy, respectful relationships are possible and worth expecting.

Things TO Say or Do

When a teen opens up about a relationship that feels unsafe, your words and actions matter. The goal is to reassure them, reduce shame, and help them feel supported and empowered.

• “I care about what happens to you. I love you, and I want to help.”
  Reassure your teen that your concern comes from love and protection.

• “If you feel afraid, it may be abuse.”
  Explain that abuse isn’t always physical. Behaviors that feel controlling, threatening, or scary are important to take seriously. Encourage them to trust their instincts.

• “This is not your fault.”
  Reinforce that they are not to blame—no matter what their partner says or how guilty they feel. No one deserves to be mistreated.

• “Your partner’s behavior is the problem—not you.”
  Make it clear that it’s not their responsibility to fix or change someone who is being abusive.

• “Talking about this matters.”
  Let them know that many people have found safety and healing by reaching out. If they’re not ready to talk with you, encourage them to connect with another trusted adult.

Things to NOT Say or Do

Certain reactions—often meant to help—can unintentionally shut your teen down.

• Don’t criticize your teen or their partner.
  Judgment can make teens defensive or less likely to open up.

• Avoid blaming questions.
  Don’t ask things like “Why don’t you just break up?” or “What did you do to cause this?” These questions place responsibility on the victim.

• Don’t pressure them to make quick decisions.
  Let them know you’ll support them whether they’re ready to take action now, later, or need time to think.

• Don’t talk to both teens together.
  The teen experiencing abuse may not feel safe or free to speak honestly.

• Don’t assume they want to leave the relationship.
  Help them assess what’s happening and understand their options without pushing an outcome.

Your calm presence, patience, and belief in your teen can help them feel less alone—and remind them that they deserve safety, respect, and healthy love.

If Your Teen Doesn’t Want to Talk to You

The teen years are a time of growing independence, and it’s common for teens to hesitate—or outright refuse—to talk with their parents about personal issues. Even so, you can continue to encourage open, respectful communication and keep the door open.

Let your teen know that you respect their privacy and that you respect them. Invite conversation without pressure. You might ask what they think abusive behavior looks like in relationships, then gently add to the list together. This helps them feel heard while also learning more about unhealthy dynamics.

Be clear and consistent in your message:
If they ever experience abuse in a relationship, they can come to you. Promise that you will listen without judging or blaming them—no matter what—and be sure to follow through on that promise.

It’s also important to help your teen identify other safe adults they could talk to if they’re not ready to talk with you. Encourage them to think about trusted people such as:

• A favorite teacher or school counselor

• A coach, mentor, or youth leader

• A spiritual or faith leader

• A grandparent, aunt, uncle, or other trusted family member

• A close family friend

Make sure your teen has contact information for these individuals and knows how to reach them.

Finally, share confidential support resources. Provide hotline numbers they can call or text without giving their name, and encourage them to save the information and share it with friends. Knowing help is available—anytime and without judgment—can make a powerful difference.

Why Teens Don’t Tell Parents About the Violence

Many teens experience dating violence in silence. Understanding why they don’t speak up can help adults respond with more patience, empathy, and support.

Teens may stay quiet because they are:

• Afraid their parents will force them to end the relationship

• Embarrassed or ashamed

• Afraid the violence could escalate if someone finds out

• Convinced it’s their fault—or worried their parents will blame or be disappointed in them

• Confused and unsure whether this behavior is “normal” in relationships

• Worried about losing privileges, such as staying out late, using the car, or seeing friends

Teens may also struggle to speak up because they:

• Have little or no experience with healthy dating relationships

• Believe being in a relationship is the most important part of their life

• Mistake jealousy, control, or possessiveness for love

• Don’t recognize that what’s happening is abuse

• Fear friends or adults won’t believe them

• Have become isolated or lost touch with friends

• Know their partner can be kind, loving, or apologetic at times

Recognizing these barriers can help parents and caregivers respond without judgment and with compassion. When teens feel believed, supported, and safe from punishment or blame, they are far more likely to reach out—and to get the help they deserve.